But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so let's talk penis.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
