that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
