i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
