There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize