jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
