I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
