did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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