the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
