my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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