I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I fill condoms, not promises.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
