What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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