I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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