When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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