there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
