2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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