I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
