There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
