He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm passing your future prison.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
