I molested 6 butterflies tonight
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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