there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
