I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
