He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
