You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
