omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
