i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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