My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize