I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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