The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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