I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
