I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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