it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
