My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
