that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Floor bacon is actually really good
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
