Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
