You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
