We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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