Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
