I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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