final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
