Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
