Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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