I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
