i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
