dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
