At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
