I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
