she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
