Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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