just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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