do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
