I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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