what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
