Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
MIDGETS
????
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize