You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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