So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
