guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
