While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
