then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
