I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
