it was like fucking gandolphs beard
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
