I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
