I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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