it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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