If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
