he thought i was a dude.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Houston, we have a squirter
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
