I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
