I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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