Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
