pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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