remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
