Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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