Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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