the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Let's get the cat blown out
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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