32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
